Cover Reveal!

So this week I commence the final proofread of my new novel. It feels like a lifetime since I started writing it but in reality has only been about a year or so. Therefore, publication is imminent and it’s about time I showed you the cover and title, also the back cover blurb, to whet your appetites.

Well, the new novel is called…

Drum roll…

BEASTIE

It’s a fab and funny Joe Wilkie adventure that fans of the little chap are going to love. Once again he finds himself up to his neck in it but Joe being Joe, he faces it with his usual optimistic outlook on life.

But before the cover reveal, lets have a read of the back cover blurb.

Here it is:

Blummin’ ‘eck, it’s all kicking off again for Joe Wilkie. There’s something sinister lurking in Blessham Woods and it’s got the whole village in an uproar. And by uproar, I mean they can’t make money out of it fast enough. As for poor old Joe, he’s never been so scared in his whole life.

Join Joe in his fifth adventure, where he has problems with an old legend, holy water, teenage vandals, ants in his pants, a broken window, buckshot, a hospital visit, the police (again) and hordes of rampaging townies. Not to mention the responsibility of being a Godfather; all whilst trying to avoid being mauled by the dreaded Beastie!

Will Joe escape being savaged? Will Lady Stark-Raven’s aim (and temper) improve? And what about the pretty new stable girl that’s caught Joe’s eye – Paige Turner?

All will be revealed in…

BEASTIE!

Ok, how does that grab you?

Right then, here’s the cover:

You’ve got to admit that it’s the best cover yet of any of my books and it was rendered by our fabulous granddaughter – Erin.

Beastie will be available to buy very soon for £2.99 for the Kindle download version and £9.99 for the paperback version.

Watch this space.

Language Barrier

I don’t half make life complicated for myself at times. I’ve just given myself a mammoth task thanks to the ongoing development of Joe Wilkie.

I’ll explain.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed (you may not but I certainly have) that Joe Wilkie’s vocabulary has been progressively changing over the course of the 4 novels he features in so far and even more so in his fifth outing that I hope to release soon. I know he’s always had that sort of countryside twang that lies somewhere between Dorset, Norfolk and Yorkshire and that’s the main reason that I’ve never revealed the geographical location of Blessham. Only I know which county of England it is set in.

But I have become acutely aware of just how much his vocabulary has altered since his first introduction in Ah Boy! The changes have been fairly subtle but I’m now seeing them myself as large as life and if you were to read all 5 novels in one non-stop sitting you would notice it very quickly I think. You’d probably need a stiff drink as well.

Here’s the thing though, in the novel I’m working on I’ve just about got Joe where I want him regarding the peculiarities of his speech. We know that he’s a slow learner and has always stumbled around complex words, although I never intended him to be mocked for that but seen as a have-a-go-hero instead. In the new novel though I’ve expanded his vocabulary to be even more disjointed, if that makes sense.

For example:

In Ah Boy! Joe would use the word ‘before’ whereas now it has morphed in to ‘afore.’ Similarly, where he once would have said ‘them’ he now says ‘they’ or ‘they’s’ a lot more. There are loads more examples but I’d rather you read the books yourself and see how Joe has evolved over the series.

Which brings me to the mammoth task I mentioned at the start.

Do I now go back and revise all the other Blessham Books to keep Joe’s vocabulary uniform throughout the series? And believe me that is a mammoth task, albeit an easy one from a time perspective because I’m independently published and therefore can do as I jolly well please with Joe or any of my characters. Let me tell you I’m giving it a lot of due consideration. It’s a project that could take maybe six months or more to complete but I feel that in the name of continuity it needs doing.

Talking of giving myself a bigger workload, I’ve started a Blessham database using Microsoft Access. Oh, how I wish I had done this sooner. I’ve got a database for all the characters, one for locations – buildings, towns and villages, one for Joe’s own descriptors e.g. ‘hoppy-onion’ for opinion, and one for future characters that I’m hoping to introduce or just to have in reserve.

Once the database is complete I’ll be able to iron out a few little foibles with the books that have been niggling away at me. The main one being continuity with names. For example, I have used the name Perton several times but with three different surnames – Ardbuns, Shayply and (most recently) Curvey. Now, Perton is not a common name and it would be highly unlikely to find 3 individuals with that name in a medium sized English village and the fact of the matter is that all the Pertons in the books are one and the same person (or one and the same Perton – see what I did there?) And I have come to the decision that Perton Curvey works best, ergo I now have to edit all other references to his name in the other novels to make that all important continuity work.

Like all genuine novelists, I want my work to be authentic and believable, even though it is fictional, and having the same character with three different surnames or the main character constantly changing the way he speaks is an issue that I need to address.

Nearer and Nearer

It’s coming, bear with me, it’s definitely getting nearer and nearer. So close I can almost feel it. No, not Christmas, I mean my next novel.

So, here’s how the land lies. I’ve finished the second read through and edit and am now plunged well into the third. There’ll be a fourth and then a final spelling and grammar check and one last proofread but then it shall be ready to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. Ok, a bit dramatic perhaps, but I felt like that because there is a lot of suspenseful drama in this one alongside all the calamitous comedy escapades that Joe Wilkie has become synonymous with over the last few years.

I’ve mentioned before that the fabulous cover is finished, thanks to my wonderful granddaughter, Erin, so really it’s just a case of getting the text done and dusted and we’re good to go.

As for the drama that I mentioned, I think it wouldn’t be fair of me to whet your whistle like that without going into just a teensy bit more detail. This is Joe’s horror story and also, perhaps, something of a detective fiction as well. It’s not supernatural horror; I don’t do that kind of stuff; it’s a farcical, knockabout comedy horror – think Carry on Screaming or What a Carve Up! and you’ll be in the right ballpark.

During the second edit I often found myself having to stop reading due to being incapacitated by uncontrollable laughter. I think some of the scenes and dialogue in this one are amongst the very best that I’ve written for Joe yet. I know that self-praise is no recommendation but if the writer finds it arse-clenchingly funny then that can’t be a bad thing, can it? I figure that if it makes me laugh then hopefully it will make you laugh too.

All your favourite characters are present in this one including Lady Stark-Raven (and her erstwhile staff) who finds herself embroiled in the thrill of the chase. There are local ne’er-do-wells and perhaps the strangest antagonist Joe has ever had to face.

The police are involved and the whole village is financially on the make. Sex sells they say, but then again, so does horror and the Blesshamites take full advantage of the situation. There’s a couple of new female additions to the village one of which has Joe going “gaa gaa, goo goo” whenever he sees her and another female that just sends him completely ga-ga whenever he sees her! Intriguing, isn’t it?

Joe is in deep in this one, in many ways, but, thanks to his ever-optimistic outlook and his wonderfully refreshing naivety, he wins the day (of course he does).

So that’s what I’ve been up to since the last blog post two weeks ago. I’ve reached that stage that all writers reach where you just want it finished and out there to be read. And I sincerely hope this one will be widely read and possibly give my novels the shot in the arm (or kick up the arse) that they need. If it rekindles interest in my work then it will be a job well done. And as far as plot lines go I think there’s only The Pheasants Revolt that comes close to this one.

I do believe in this little book. I’ve really poured my heart and soul into it and I hope that will show in the end product. It’s been a long time coming and I’m looking forward to that wonderful feeling of receiving the email that says, “Congratulations, your book is published.”

I’ll post further updates as and when.

I Want to Shout it from the Rooftops!!!

Just a quick blog post today. I had a minor hospital procedure yesterday and I still feel a bit sluggish from the sedative (Fentanyl) so please forgive the shortness of this post.

But here we go!

I’ve never hidden the fact that my granddaughter, Erin, is utterly fabulous. You may think it’s an obvious thing for a grandad to say and you’d be right of course. But today she has once again showed her fabulousness, and how.

You may recall me saying that I’d asked Erin to create the cover art for the next novel as she is the most accomplished teenage artist you ever came across. Well, today she presented me with the artwork and I am completely bowled over by it.

I knew she’d do a great job but it’s even better than I could have ever hoped for. It is without doubt the best cover of one of my books yet. I’m not just blowing smoke when I say that; I believe it from my heart.

I feel as if I want to show it to everyone and shout from the rooftops (as the title of this post suggests) about how brilliant it is and honestly, you’d be the same. But to reveal it now would spoil the surprise. I haven’t quite finished the first draft yet and I don’t like giving too much away too soon.

But take it from me it is utterly wonderful and you’re going to love it. It’s a bit of a departure from the usual Blessham covers and I’m giving serious thought to asking Erin if she will help me redesign them all, with the exception of The Pheasants Revolt, which Erin’s mum created and which I love. But the others could certainly do with looking at from a fresh perspective and I don’t think there is anyone else but Erin who I would give the task to.

Erin gets me you see. We have always had such a laugh together and I consider her to be not only my granddaughter but also one of my very best friends. I always knew she had talent as she was always doodling away at an early age. One of my proudest possessions is a scribbly but lovingly done drawing in biro on a sheet of pink paper that she presented to me on my birthday when she was only five years old. Yes, I still have it and would never part with it.

Since those early forays into drawing she has progressed into a gifted illustrator and is now employed as a tattoo artist. That’s a job that takes a lot of skill and even more bottle to do. I’ve said before that I’d never have a tattoo but that if I ever change my mind then Erin gets the job without a qualm.

I gave Erin only the briefest outline of what I wanted for this book cover and she has produced something that any self-respecting author would be proud to have on the front of one of their tomes.

Damn it I wish I could show you it. But the time just isn’t right yet.

Death By Teapot – The Answer

Ok, so a few months ago I wrote my first ever comedy murder mystery story and it was well received actually. I was chuffed with it at any rate. But what I didn’t reveal in the story was the identity of the culprit. I mentioned that the police arrested the wrong person but left it for you, the reader, to work out who really bludgeoned Mrs Baggley to death with a heavy earthenware teapot.

So here is the answer to the mystery…

If you recall, the bulk of the story took place at the PCC meeting in the church. There were five people at the meeting – the vicar, Mrs Baggley herself, Mrs Windebank, Mrs Wenlock and Mrs Dunwoody.

Well, barring the deceased (it wasn’t suicide: one does not commit suicide by bashing one’s own head in with a teapot) that leaves four people who all had a motive.

The Vicar – Mrs Baggley had threatened to report the vicar to the bishop over things that were said at the meeting.
Mrs Windebank had a motive after Mrs Baggley bluntly insulted her French ancestry.
Mrs Wenlock was accused by Mrs Baggley of being a sex maniac; not something that a PCC member would want bandied about.
Mrs Dunwoody’s mother was exposed as a drunk by Mrs Baggley. She was most upset about this.

There are other factors to consider as well.

Mrs Baggley was killed by a violent blow to the head from a heavy earthenware teapot. During the meeting Mrs Windebank had spoken of such a teapot as the ideal replacement for the current one and had passionately exclaimed that she would “buy the bloody thing myself.”
Mrs Dunwoody and Mrs Wenlock both expressed their dislike for Mrs Baggley. Mrs Wenlock said she would “swing for her myself” and Mrs Dunwoody went as far as saying she wished Mrs Baggley were dead.
The vicar had said he would reimburse Mrs Windebank himself for the teapot. Could it have been that he did so the night before the murder and taken the pot with him?

So what do you think? Have you worked out which of them committed this dastardly deed?

Which of the four was responsible for Mrs Baggley’s untimely demise?

…

Well actually none of them were.

…

If you recall there was a sixth person in the church at the time – Eric the organist.

Think back now:

Eric was a devoted follower of not just the church but the vicar also and was prepared to do anything for the good of both.
He’d recently had a new hearing aid, which whilst not helping his organ playing any, did mean that he overhead every part of the PCC conversation and Mrs Baggley’s threat to the vicar.
He also heard Mrs Windebank mention the earthenware teapot and her impassioned declaration of buying it.
When the vicar left the church, Eric was playing the hymn Nearer My God To Thee. A clear portent of what was about to befall Mrs Baggley who was soon to be a lot nearer to God.
Finally, Eric was known as a kind and gentle individual. Who would suspect him of doing it?

So there you have it.

Eric the organist finished his practice session in the church, he then went into town, purchased an earthenware teapot, hid in the bushes in the churchyard on Sunday morning and when Mrs Baggley went to unlock the church he crept up behind her and brained her with the pot thus speeding up her entry into the next world.

Did you get it right? Did the detective in you suss out that it was Eric? If not, who did you suspect and why?

…

I’m currently working on another comedy murder mystery short story where you will have another chance to play Sherlock Holmes or Miss Marple.

Watch this space.

Blessham Hall

The Website of Author, Novelist and Blogger Alan Stevenson

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