animals

Dog Days, Afternoons and Nights

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As we enter the final week of that most heinous of months – the foul abomination that is January, I can see that there has been something of a theme for Ange and I. Namely, dogs. It’s been a dog-filled time like never before.

The year got off to a furry four-legged start when Becky and Paul went to Spain on January 2nd and we stayed on the boat to look after Noel, Becky’s dog, and Snowy, Becky’s cat. We’re both boaters of old so we weren’t phased by the prospect but by gum I’ll tell you one thing, it was freezing on there.

I had planned to do Dry January again but unfortunately, when we got on to the boat the first thing I did was light a fire (which almost wrecked my knees in the process) and the second thing I did was to open a bottle of wine. The situation was desperate. Noel isn’t a particularly robust dog and it was important to keep him warm as well as ourselves.

And thus began a week of walks, feeding, fussing and poo-bagging.

Noel is a lovely dog but he’s incredibly needy and didn’t have the best start in life when he was a pup. Becky rescued him when he was about six months old and he came with a host of anxiety issues. He’s a loud barker as well and will sound off at the merest hint of a noise. On a boat that can echo and reverberate like having your head in the bass bins during a heavy metal gig.

For most of our week on board the canal was frozen solid but we were pleased with our own efforts at keeping the fire lit overnight. That is quite a skill actually. Not everyone knows how to do that.

We tried to enjoy our time on the boat but the minus degrees temperatures made it difficult and we were glad to get home again on the 10th. But our canine duties were far from over.

One of our neighbours, Linda, had an accident on the ice whilst we were away and broke her arm. That’s bad enough but take into consideration the fact that she has a healthy and active spaniel and another problem becomes apparent. The spaniel is called Eric and he’s immensely strong, ergo Linda was unable to walk him.

The good news is that the community rallied round and a rota was drawn up for volunteers to walk Eric. He has four walks a day and this made the logistics a bit complicated but Ange put her name down for the early evening walks for the week. She enjoyed it but by the end of the week she was ready for a day or two off. Like I say, he’s a strong and powerful young dog and as awful as it sounds, I don’t think I have the physical strength anymore to walk such a vibrant hound.

The rota is ongoing and Ange is going to put her name down again. I might accompany her on some of the shorter walks, as sometimes that’s all he needs, but if they go for a proper trudge then I doubt my legs will keep up for very long.

During the week that Ange walked Eric we had something of a doggy drama. Becky rang very early on the Thursday morning to say that something was very wrong with Noel. Ange hastened to Skipton to pick them both up and take the poor lad to the vets. The diagnosis was severe arthritis. Now, I’m not a vet, although I wanted to be one when I was at school, but I couldn’t help- feeling there was more to it than that.

Noel is getting on a bit in labrador terms and arthritis is common in that breed but he stayed with us that Thursday night and I have never before in my life seen a dog look so poorly. It was heartbreaking to see. He couldn’t settle and he kept putting his head behind Ange’s back while she sat on the couch. His face had visibly dropped and to be honest I began to fear the worst.

The next morning a decision was made to take him back to the vet for a second opinion. He’d been given some medicine the day before which didn’t seem to have much of an effect and I began to suspect that he had some form of doggy virus because here’s the thing – he was back to his old self over the weekend. We hear about 24 or 48 hour bugs in humans so why can’t the same apply to man’s best friend? That’s the way I view the situation.

The next dog adventure we had was with adorable Bella who belongs to our friend and neighbour Val. Bella is a Jack Russell/Lhasa Apso cross and she is just about the cutest little thing you ever saw.

Val was in the process of moving to a new flat on the ground floor and needed somewhere for Bella to hang out for a few days. We jumped at the chance. Bella is the easiest dog to look after that you could imagine. Really, she is so placid and calm and gentle but also a little comedian as well.

Val asked if Bella could stay with us a couple of nights and we readily agreed. We love a bit of fur therapy and Bella is superb at providing it. It’s comical to see her take herself to bed (ours) at ten o’clock even though we’re still watching TV. She’s also got a rather effective bladder because she isn’t an early riser that needs to do her business at 05:00 a.m. but will happily wait until daylight arrives before doing her ablutions.

It’s win win!

So, there you go, a doggy start to the year. I must say that, as I write, this January has been a vast improvement on the previous three. So far, neither of us have had a life-threatening illness and nobody near or dear to us has died. There’s still six days to go but we’re keeping our heads down and are determined to get through it unscathed.

In between all these animal antics I have been writing as and when I can and I have edited 6 chapters of the upcoming new novel. I’m wondering whether to do a cover reveal yet as I’m as excited as can be about this one. Maybe just a little while longer.

Anyway, it’s Sunday today and Val and Bella are coming to see us later which we’re looking forward to. You’ve never seen a dog smile like Bella when she first sees you. It’s a joyous thing.

All of this leads us to ask the question of ourselves, will we get a dog (or cat) of our own? I believe we will one day, when the time is right. For now, we’re living on borrowed fur and we’re loving it.

Marley and Us

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It’s been a very educational week here for Ange and I. Well, regarding alpacas that is. I thought they were just under-grown llamas and seeing as how I’d heard a lot of negative things regarding the temperament of llamas I didn’t have high hopes that alpacas were all that different.

How wrong I was.

But let me start at the beginning…

As you know the lady of the manor, my lovely wife Ange, has had some serious health issues in the last year and a half. To wit, a heart attack, diabetes and breast cancer. Without going into too much detail she’s been through the wars. A lot.

Well, it was her birthday on Saturday and I wanted to give her a bit of a treat. Partly because I’m crazy about her and partly because after all she’s been through I thought she damn well deserved one.

Anyone who knows Ange will tell you that she’s an absolute nut when it comes to animals. And I mean all animals. She quite literally wouldn’t harm a flea. I’ve seen her shoo a fly out of the car window with the words, “Off you pop sweetheart” when someone else would have been trying to swat the thing with anything that came to hand as if their life depended upon it.

Not Ange though. All living creatures are special and all have a right to live on this earth in her eyes. And I concur. Well, apart from that little bastard of a gnat that bit my left leg in July 2014 and made it swell up like a balloon. I wished all the torments of hell on that one.

But I digress.

Anyway, I thought long and hard as to how I could bless Ange with an animal related surprise on her birthday and then I saw an advert for the Wood End Alpaca Experience. It was a lightbulb moment! I knew instantly then that we would be going to see those wonderful creatures.

And what wonderful creatures they indeed are.

And what wonderful people ran the farm as well.

I had been stressing the few days before the Saturday we were due to go as the car suffered a major malfunction and I began to panic as to how we would get there. It’s not far from us, just over in the Forest of Bowland, but there is zero public transport there and there’s no way either of us could walk 18 miles. Heck! I struggle with 18 metres.

Thankfully we had the car back on Friday afternoon and so on the big day itself we set off for the farm with smiles on our faces. I had done a sterling job of keeping it a secret. All Ange knew about it was that I was taking her for a surprise day out.

I must add at this point that the scenery on the journey was enough to make a grown man cry and in fact, I nearly did. It was beyond beautiful and then some. And, despite a bit of a contretemps with a total idiot cyclist who wasn’t watching where he was going, we arrived in plenty of time.

We were warmly met by Alison, whose family have run the farm for generations, and sat in the tea room as the other guests arrived. I hadn’t expected so many people to be interested in alpacas but there were folks there from all walks of life.

After a pep talk and some alpaca information from Alison we were ready to meet our alpaca for the afternoon. I must say that Alison knows her stuff. Alpacas are curious little things. Yes, they do spit but not at people. They tend to spit at one another and the only time Alison has ever been spat on was when she was caught in the crossfire between two of them. They don’t like being touched on their bottoms though, but then again who does, and will kick with their back legs if you pat them there.

They don’t like you coming towards them from the side either. It’s best to approach them head on and then you can gently move to the side and put your arm around their necks for a cuddle which they seem to rather enjoy.

Another interesting fact is that alpacas communicate between themselves by humming and it’s quite an amusing sound to hear. I wonder if they know any tunes.

Everyone in the group was carefully selected an alpaca that suited them best. I’d chosen to not have one myself as I had visions of being dragged screaming across the fells by it, but Ange was given a very placid and friendly little chap called Marley.

We were given a few more tips on handling these lovely beasts and then it was time to set off. I quickly called Alison to one side to enquire how strenuous the walk would be and was a little alarmed at her reply. It wasn’t too bad but there was a fair bit of walking involved. I told her that I would most likely be bringing up the rear… From a good long way behind. Alison very kindly offered to let me use the off road vehicle that they have on the farm for such occasions but I declined. Rather foolishly in hindsight; I wish now that I’d taken her up on the offer.

Nonetheless we set off and Ange was soon in her element, bonding with Marley and enjoying the sunshine. And by gum the sun was certainly doing that. It was a grand day to be out and about. I’d wisely worn my trusty tarp hat but it rapidly began to form a thick band of sweat where it came into contact with my forehead.

There was fun and laughter aplenty and everyone got along with each other. All the alpacas were marvellously well behaved and I witnessed only one minor spitting incident when one of them got too close to another for comfort. Still, they are very much like sheep in that they like to follow the rest of the herd.

Marley was very well behaved although he did keep stopping for a scratch as he’d recently been sheared. Well, you know what it’s like when you’ve just had your hair done.

We reached the halfway point and I caught up with the rest of them. By now I was sweating like donner meat in a kebab shop and my heart was going like the intro to Overkill by Motorhead. My legs were threatening to give way from beneath me and my feet felt as hot and hard as flat irons.

However, I’d made it thus far by sheer Herculean will.

We stopped for a break as it was time to feed the animals and bags of alpaca food were distributed. I think this was the part that Ange enjoyed the best. Alpacas have very soft muzzles and no upper teeth at the front so the chances of getting an accidental bite are virtually nil. Marley certainly enjoyed his lunch and I was about ready for mine.

After the feeding we made our way back to the farm. I was particularly slow by now and I told Alison that I would go straight to the tea room rather than the alpaca shed. I knew that if I didn’t sit down very soon then the chances of me falling down were seriously high.

I had two pints of Vimto and a further two pints of water in quick succession in the tea room.

Eventually the rest of the group returned. Ange and I ate a really rather splendid cream tea with scones, jam and clotted cream and then it was time to leave. We’d had fun with alpacas, seen kittens, lambs and calves and Ange had held a collie puppy. But there was one more treat for her on the way out. Two handsome looking rare breed pigs. Ange loves all things piggy and so it was a nice farewell to the farm to see them.

So what a right good day we had. I still haven’t recovered and I know its going to take a bit of time before I do. But it was worth it to see the look on my Ange’s face when she was walking Marley.

P.S – I’d recommend alpaca walking to anybody and you could do no better in my opinion than Wood End Farm. Here’s a link to their website: Wood End Alpacas.