Cover Reveal!

So this week I commence the final proofread of my new novel. It feels like a lifetime since I started writing it but in reality has only been about a year or so. Therefore, publication is imminent and it’s about time I showed you the cover and title, also the back cover blurb, to whet your appetites.

Well, the new novel is called…

Drum roll…

BEASTIE

It’s a fab and funny Joe Wilkie adventure that fans of the little chap are going to love. Once again he finds himself up to his neck in it but Joe being Joe, he faces it with his usual optimistic outlook on life.

But before the cover reveal, lets have a read of the back cover blurb.

Here it is:

Blummin’ ‘eck, it’s all kicking off again for Joe Wilkie. There’s something sinister lurking in Blessham Woods and it’s got the whole village in an uproar. And by uproar, I mean they can’t make money out of it fast enough. As for poor old Joe, he’s never been so scared in his whole life.

Join Joe in his fifth adventure, where he has problems with an old legend, holy water, teenage vandals, ants in his pants, a broken window, buckshot, a hospital visit, the police (again) and hordes of rampaging townies. Not to mention the responsibility of being a Godfather; all whilst trying to avoid being mauled by the dreaded Beastie!

Will Joe escape being savaged? Will Lady Stark-Raven’s aim (and temper) improve? And what about the pretty new stable girl that’s caught Joe’s eye – Paige Turner?

All will be revealed in…

BEASTIE!

Ok, how does that grab you?

Right then, here’s the cover:

You’ve got to admit that it’s the best cover yet of any of my books and it was rendered by our fabulous granddaughter – Erin.

Beastie will be available to buy very soon for £2.99 for the Kindle download version and £9.99 for the paperback version.

Watch this space.

Language Barrier

I don’t half make life complicated for myself at times. I’ve just given myself a mammoth task thanks to the ongoing development of Joe Wilkie.

I’ll explain.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed (you may not but I certainly have) that Joe Wilkie’s vocabulary has been progressively changing over the course of the 4 novels he features in so far and even more so in his fifth outing that I hope to release soon. I know he’s always had that sort of countryside twang that lies somewhere between Dorset, Norfolk and Yorkshire and that’s the main reason that I’ve never revealed the geographical location of Blessham. Only I know which county of England it is set in.

But I have become acutely aware of just how much his vocabulary has altered since his first introduction in Ah Boy! The changes have been fairly subtle but I’m now seeing them myself as large as life and if you were to read all 5 novels in one non-stop sitting you would notice it very quickly I think. You’d probably need a stiff drink as well.

Here’s the thing though, in the novel I’m working on I’ve just about got Joe where I want him regarding the peculiarities of his speech. We know that he’s a slow learner and has always stumbled around complex words, although I never intended him to be mocked for that but seen as a have-a-go-hero instead. In the new novel though I’ve expanded his vocabulary to be even more disjointed, if that makes sense.

For example:

In Ah Boy! Joe would use the word ‘before’ whereas now it has morphed in to ‘afore.’ Similarly, where he once would have said ‘them’ he now says ‘they’ or ‘they’s’ a lot more. There are loads more examples but I’d rather you read the books yourself and see how Joe has evolved over the series.

Which brings me to the mammoth task I mentioned at the start.

Do I now go back and revise all the other Blessham Books to keep Joe’s vocabulary uniform throughout the series? And believe me that is a mammoth task, albeit an easy one from a time perspective because I’m independently published and therefore can do as I jolly well please with Joe or any of my characters. Let me tell you I’m giving it a lot of due consideration. It’s a project that could take maybe six months or more to complete but I feel that in the name of continuity it needs doing.

Talking of giving myself a bigger workload, I’ve started a Blessham database using Microsoft Access. Oh, how I wish I had done this sooner. I’ve got a database for all the characters, one for locations – buildings, towns and villages, one for Joe’s own descriptors e.g. ‘hoppy-onion’ for opinion, and one for future characters that I’m hoping to introduce or just to have in reserve.

Once the database is complete I’ll be able to iron out a few little foibles with the books that have been niggling away at me. The main one being continuity with names. For example, I have used the name Perton several times but with three different surnames – Ardbuns, Shayply and (most recently) Curvey. Now, Perton is not a common name and it would be highly unlikely to find 3 individuals with that name in a medium sized English village and the fact of the matter is that all the Pertons in the books are one and the same person (or one and the same Perton – see what I did there?) And I have come to the decision that Perton Curvey works best, ergo I now have to edit all other references to his name in the other novels to make that all important continuity work.

Like all genuine novelists, I want my work to be authentic and believable, even though it is fictional, and having the same character with three different surnames or the main character constantly changing the way he speaks is an issue that I need to address.

Nearer and Nearer

It’s coming, bear with me, it’s definitely getting nearer and nearer. So close I can almost feel it. No, not Christmas, I mean my next novel.

So, here’s how the land lies. I’ve finished the second read through and edit and am now plunged well into the third. There’ll be a fourth and then a final spelling and grammar check and one last proofread but then it shall be ready to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. Ok, a bit dramatic perhaps, but I felt like that because there is a lot of suspenseful drama in this one alongside all the calamitous comedy escapades that Joe Wilkie has become synonymous with over the last few years.

I’ve mentioned before that the fabulous cover is finished, thanks to my wonderful granddaughter, Erin, so really it’s just a case of getting the text done and dusted and we’re good to go.

As for the drama that I mentioned, I think it wouldn’t be fair of me to whet your whistle like that without going into just a teensy bit more detail. This is Joe’s horror story and also, perhaps, something of a detective fiction as well. It’s not supernatural horror; I don’t do that kind of stuff; it’s a farcical, knockabout comedy horror – think Carry on Screaming or What a Carve Up! and you’ll be in the right ballpark.

During the second edit I often found myself having to stop reading due to being incapacitated by uncontrollable laughter. I think some of the scenes and dialogue in this one are amongst the very best that I’ve written for Joe yet. I know that self-praise is no recommendation but if the writer finds it arse-clenchingly funny then that can’t be a bad thing, can it? I figure that if it makes me laugh then hopefully it will make you laugh too.

All your favourite characters are present in this one including Lady Stark-Raven (and her erstwhile staff) who finds herself embroiled in the thrill of the chase. There are local ne’er-do-wells and perhaps the strangest antagonist Joe has ever had to face.

The police are involved and the whole village is financially on the make. Sex sells they say, but then again, so does horror and the Blesshamites take full advantage of the situation. There’s a couple of new female additions to the village one of which has Joe going “gaa gaa, goo goo” whenever he sees her and another female that just sends him completely ga-ga whenever he sees her! Intriguing, isn’t it?

Joe is in deep in this one, in many ways, but, thanks to his ever-optimistic outlook and his wonderfully refreshing naivety, he wins the day (of course he does).

So that’s what I’ve been up to since the last blog post two weeks ago. I’ve reached that stage that all writers reach where you just want it finished and out there to be read. And I sincerely hope this one will be widely read and possibly give my novels the shot in the arm (or kick up the arse) that they need. If it rekindles interest in my work then it will be a job well done. And as far as plot lines go I think there’s only The Pheasants Revolt that comes close to this one.

I do believe in this little book. I’ve really poured my heart and soul into it and I hope that will show in the end product. It’s been a long time coming and I’m looking forward to that wonderful feeling of receiving the email that says, “Congratulations, your book is published.”

I’ll post further updates as and when.

Dog Days, Afternoons and Nights

As we enter the final week of that most heinous of months – the foul abomination that is January, I can see that there has been something of a theme for Ange and I. Namely, dogs. It’s been a dog-filled time like never before.

The year got off to a furry four-legged start when Becky and Paul went to Spain on January 2^nd and we stayed on the boat to look after Noel, Becky’s dog, and Snowy, Becky’s cat. We’re both boaters of old so we weren’t phased by the prospect but by gum I’ll tell you one thing, it was freezing on there.

I had planned to do Dry January again but unfortunately, when we got on to the boat the first thing I did was light a fire (which almost wrecked my knees in the process) and the second thing I did was to open a bottle of wine. The situation was desperate. Noel isn’t a particularly robust dog and it was important to keep him warm as well as ourselves.

And thus began a week of walks, feeding, fussing and poo-bagging.

Noel is a lovely dog but he’s incredibly needy and didn’t have the best start in life when he was a pup. Becky rescued him when he was about six months old and he came with a host of anxiety issues. He’s a loud barker as well and will sound off at the merest hint of a noise. On a boat that can echo and reverberate like having your head in the bass bins during a heavy metal gig.

For most of our week on board the canal was frozen solid but we were pleased with our own efforts at keeping the fire lit overnight. That is quite a skill actually. Not everyone knows how to do that.

We tried to enjoy our time on the boat but the minus degrees temperatures made it difficult and we were glad to get home again on the 10^th. But our canine duties were far from over.

One of our neighbours, Linda, had an accident on the ice whilst we were away and broke her arm. That’s bad enough but take into consideration the fact that she has a healthy and active spaniel and another problem becomes apparent. The spaniel is called Eric and he’s immensely strong, ergo Linda was unable to walk him.

The good news is that the community rallied round and a rota was drawn up for volunteers to walk Eric. He has four walks a day and this made the logistics a bit complicated but Ange put her name down for the early evening walks for the week. She enjoyed it but by the end of the week she was ready for a day or two off. Like I say, he’s a strong and powerful young dog and as awful as it sounds, I don’t think I have the physical strength anymore to walk such a vibrant hound.

The rota is ongoing and Ange is going to put her name down again. I might accompany her on some of the shorter walks, as sometimes that’s all he needs, but if they go for a proper trudge then I doubt my legs will keep up for very long.

During the week that Ange walked Eric we had something of a doggy drama. Becky rang very early on the Thursday morning to say that something was very wrong with Noel. Ange hastened to Skipton to pick them both up and take the poor lad to the vets. The diagnosis was severe arthritis. Now, I’m not a vet, although I wanted to be one when I was at school, but I couldn’t help- feeling there was more to it than that.

Noel is getting on a bit in labrador terms and arthritis is common in that breed but he stayed with us that Thursday night and I have never before in my life seen a dog look so poorly. It was heartbreaking to see. He couldn’t settle and he kept putting his head behind Ange’s back while she sat on the couch. His face had visibly dropped and to be honest I began to fear the worst.

The next morning a decision was made to take him back to the vet for a second opinion. He’d been given some medicine the day before which didn’t seem to have much of an effect and I began to suspect that he had some form of doggy virus because here’s the thing – he was back to his old self over the weekend. We hear about 24 or 48 hour bugs in humans so why can’t the same apply to man’s best friend? That’s the way I view the situation.

The next dog adventure we had was with adorable Bella who belongs to our friend and neighbour Val. Bella is a Jack Russell/Lhasa Apso cross and she is just about the cutest little thing you ever saw.

Val was in the process of moving to a new flat on the ground floor and needed somewhere for Bella to hang out for a few days. We jumped at the chance. Bella is the easiest dog to look after that you could imagine. Really, she is so placid and calm and gentle but also a little comedian as well.

Val asked if Bella could stay with us a couple of nights and we readily agreed. We love a bit of fur therapy and Bella is superb at providing it. It’s comical to see her take herself to bed (ours) at ten o’clock even though we’re still watching TV. She’s also got a rather effective bladder because she isn’t an early riser that needs to do her business at 05:00 a.m. but will happily wait until daylight arrives before doing her ablutions.

It’s win win!

So, there you go, a doggy start to the year. I must say that, as I write, this January has been a vast improvement on the previous three. So far, neither of us have had a life-threatening illness and nobody near or dear to us has died. There’s still six days to go but we’re keeping our heads down and are determined to get through it unscathed.

In between all these animal antics I have been writing as and when I can and I have edited 6 chapters of the upcoming new novel. I’m wondering whether to do a cover reveal yet as I’m as excited as can be about this one. Maybe just a little while longer.

Anyway, it’s Sunday today and Val and Bella are coming to see us later which we’re looking forward to. You’ve never seen a dog smile like Bella when she first sees you. It’s a joyous thing.

All of this leads us to ask the question of ourselves, will we get a dog (or cat) of our own? I believe we will one day, when the time is right. For now, we’re living on borrowed fur and we’re loving it.

What Alan Did

Hallelujah!!!

I think that after all this time of searching, moaning and bleating I have finally found an equilibrium in my writing. Hard to believe I know. How many times have I come on here whinging and whining about my health complications or the next idea to improve my output? Hmmm?

Plenty, that’s how many.

And before you think to yourselves, “Oh no, here he goes again,” let me tell you that I am finally going to use this blog for it’s intended purpose and nothing more.

Blog! It’s a funny word isn’t it, as it doesn’t readily roll of the tongue as easily as “bollocks,” which, in case you didn’t know is the word in English that can be shouted louder than any other word. I’m not expecting you to nip out into the garden to find out, especially those of you who live in affluent neighbourhoods. Those who live in effluent neighbourhoods might get away with it though.

But enough about bollocks, I want to talk about blogging (it’s so easy to get distracted these days) and how I intend to go about it from here on in.

Blog is basically an amalgamated abbreviation of the words WEB and LOG. You probably knew that anyway so apologies if it sounds like I’m trying to teach Granny to suck eggs. Although why anyone, elderly or otherwise, should want to suck an egg is none of my business. But yes, you take the B from WEB and add it to LOG and you get BLOG.

A log, apart from being a piece of unprocessed timber or euphemism for a turd, is basically a record of events or actions. Such as the Captain’s Log from Star Trek for example. A diary or journal if you will.

I often read the blogs of other independent authors and that seems to be the way they play the thing. They use that platform to keep their readers up to date with what is happening on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis. Julia Blake is especially good at this – CLICK HERE to check her blog out.

I have noticed, and can admit the awkward truth, that I have used mine for the aforementioned whinging and whining and at times even railing against the system and the stupidity of my fellow man. And that is not what I intended at all when this blog began way back in… 2020 I think it was.

So for the future, that is what I foresee for the blog. I’ll keep you posted about little old me. A sort of What Alan Did kind of thing.

Substack, on the other hand, has already had the kick in the arse it desperately needed.

My Substack site was suffering from a touch of bloated pomposity and politicization at times and, again, that was never my intention at the start. I wanted to write humorous short stories and make people laugh and have a brighter day. I’m pleased to say that so far, in 2026, that has been the case. I have written 3 absolute corkers which can be enjoyed HERE.

All good so far then.

“Ah!” I hear you collectively cry. “What about all your health issues that you constantly moan about? Well, I’m glad you asked. I’ve finally started my fibromyalgia blog, entitled – The Adventures of Fibroman, which can be found RIGHT HERE. It’s only in its fledgling state at the moment so be kind and patient with it please. It needs work and time management has never been my strong point so bear with me. All I ask is that if fibromyalgia has affected you or anyone you know then do please get in touch through that channel.

That just leaves us with the novels.

Number 8 is written as a first draft and there will be a couple of months of editing the blessed thing. I’m making no more promises about times and dates; I’ve been hoist by my own petard too often in doing so. I’m just going to get on with getting it finished and let you know when it will be published and do the old cover reveal and all that kind of stuff. I can’t wait to show you the cover.

Phew! Glad I’ve gotten all that lot off my chest. I feel a lot lighter for doing so.

One big change I do want to implement however, is to increase the regularity of the blog. Last year I think I wrote something like 20 blog posts compared to about 100 Substacks and I have neglected the poor, dear old blog as a result. Something I need to work on. Call that my resolution for 2026.

Righto, I’m off to Blessham now to start knocking Joe Wilkie’s latest adventure into shape.

What Price Fame?

I know I’m extremely late to the party but I’ve only just watched Ricky Gervais’ series The Extras. Binge watched it over two nights this week. The first thing I have to say is that it is arse clenchingly funny. The second thing I have to say is that it is rather thought provoking.

I tend to think that every character Gervais plays is basically David Brent in a different set of clothes but there was something about the character of Andy Millman in The Extras that spoke to me.

Viewers of the two series and Christmas special will know that Millman basically sells out his artistic soul for fame and fortune before having an epiphany in the Celebrity Big Brother house and realising where his heart truly lies, which is of course producing something meaningful rather than the turgid sit-com he finds himself trapped in. He also realises who his real friends are.

Its made me think about my own books and my direction as a writer and I’ve asked myself a few searching questions. The main one being, are my novels just an excuse for writing about tawdry behaviour and making fart jokes a la Medicine Show? Secondly, have I gone down a route that I never wanted to go down in the first place? Thirdly would I rather write high-brow literature or sell millions of books that are basically all froth and filler?

The first answer I have is, yes, there is a wealth of slapstick humour in the ongoing Wilkie saga but there are also a great deal of moral dilemmas that Joe has to face and I like to think they add a deeper element to each book. They are comedies though at the end of the day and comedy is a lot harder to write than you might think and making people laugh is something I’ve always been good at.

And whilst it is certainly true there is a lot of sexual innuendo and flatus gags in the ongoing Wilkie saga there are also deep veins of pathos, searching questions, spirituality and even beauty between those chuckle inducing pages. I like to think that there is a lot more to my books than farting and frolicking in the hay.

The second question I have to respond with the answer – no, I don’t think I have gone down the wrong route as a writer. I think everyone who first makes the decision to sit down and pour half of their year into writing a book has the ambition to write a future classic, convinced that the amazing plot they have will be an equal to Howards End. Writers read a lot and this has the tendency to convince them that they know it all when they’re still soaking wet behind the ears.

Experience, however, eventually leads those who are genuinely determined to be authors to find their comfort zone, their sweet spot, their niche. For me, that niche is comedy. I’ve found my ideal genre and by learning from the hackneyed attempts I made in the past at deeper material I’ve vowed to never try being so bold ever again. I’m sticking with humour.

For the third, self-imposed, question, well, I think I’ve already answered it in part. I can’t do high-brow. I’ve tried and failed and found my niche. But then, who says that comedy can’t be a little high-brow at times. There’s a wealth of difference between the idiosyncratic comedy of Spike Milligan and the pun-centric comedy of Tim Vine. Both very funny men but completely different in their approach the craft. And it is a craft, by the way.

At the end of the day, if whatever you’re writing has integrity and a good work ethic behind it then you can at least be content with yourself. Would I rather sell millions of books or would I rather write a classic. Well, why not have both? Ah Boy is, in my mind, comedy gold and a classic in waiting. That of course would bring fame and fortune. I’d like the latter but not the former. I want to be widely read and my books enjoyed, but I don’t want to be recognised by all and sundry in the street and everywhere I go.

And that, as Andy Millman found out, is the price of fame. Once you’re famous you become public property and if you make even the slightest faux pas the media will pounce on you like a pack of wolves and tear you to pieces. And that is something I can really live without. If there was a way of selling lots of books incognito then I’d happily go for that option.

I could be the Banksy of literature.

…

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense.

2025 – Good Year or Good Riddance?

So we’ll all be bellowing out Auld Lang Syne before too much longer and hugging and kissing drunken people we don’t know from Adam. Well, I certainly won’t. But a lot of people will. Jools will be having his nasally Hootenanny and there’ll be about a billion quid’s worth of fireworks blasted into the air all over the country and everyone will feel a rosy glow inside and be full of hope for a better year to come…

I’m sorry to be Mr Cynical, here, but the chances of that happening are pretty slim given the current state of the World in which we live.

But 2026 is not quite yet upon us and so I’d like to have just a very quick look back at what its predecessor gave us, personally speaking as it were.

Well, personally speaking, 2025 was a bit of a twat in a great many ways.

On 2^nd of January my mum passed away. Wow! That’s just about the worst start to a new year as it gets. Mind you, January has had it in for us for a few years now with my gorgeous wife having a heart attack in 2023 and breast cancer in 2024 in that most heinous of months. I don’t know what we’ve done to piss January off so much but it’s getting tiresome now and we’d like him to leave us alone this time.

My health hasn’t been great either.

I’ve had two colonoscopies this year. TWO! And that’s really one too many. Seriously, there’s nothing more embarrassing than having someone shove a camera up your nether region and having a good look around in there. I will just clarify that all the hospital staff were wonderful on both occasions but it’s still not something that I would hasten to have done again. They did, however, sort out the terrible stomach pains I’d been having for over a year by removing a number of polyps from my colon and so I am actually grateful for the skill of all those involved. Thank you Eccleshill and Airedale hospitals.

Actually, I did watch it all on screen as it happened and it’s a funny sensation looking at your own insides. And honestly, the worst part was the laxatives the day before.

I had some kind of nerve damage in my left arm in the earlier part of the year which was agonising and reduced me to tears at times. Again though, thanks to a highly knowledgeable NHS physiotherapist called Dan, it is back to normal and I no longer feel like my arm is constantly under attack from a colony of pissed-off fire ants.

In the spring of 2025, I was diagnosed with having cervical spondylosis. I hadn’t heard of it before but it’s a quite literal pain in the neck and getting progressively worse. They say there’s no treatment for it and that I’ll just have to adjust to it. All those years of headbanging catching up with me I fear. I struggle to get comfortable in bed with it and when I tilt my head backwards I can feel and hear a somewhat sickening grinding of my neck bones. Chances are I’ll end up in one of those tall collars that make the wearer look like some kind of mega vicar. Bugger!

Then there’s the fibromyalgia, which, in a word, is ‘dreadful.’ But you knew that anyway from the amount of times I prattle on about it. Let’s just say that it’s been a total bastard and my trusty little TENS machine has had an increasingly busy year.

Two brilliant things though, medically, is that Ange has her Type 2 Diabetes well under control and the cancer seems to have had its ass kicked into touch. I’m so happy for her. There were times in the last couple of years that I actually feared the worst that I might lose her but she is doing very well on both of those fronts. She still has to take a fair bit of medication, including a rather nasty one for her bones, which she must take standing up, but she remains an inspiration to me. Always.

There have been some very nice things about 2025 though.

We had a short break in Whitby (our favourite coastal town) in February thanks to the exquisite kindness of our neighbours Josie and Glyn, who couldn’t go themselves due to Glyn injuring his back. And so they blessed us with it instead and we had a smashing time of it. You don’t forget people who do that for you.

We had a virtually free holiday to Ireland (one of my happy places) in September. Ange has the most generous cousins over there you could possibly imagine. Not only did they provide us with free holiday accommodation but they also put us on their car insurance and lent us their own car to drive down to West Cork. We had a supremely relaxing time and came home with longing in our hearts to return soon.

We also had a weekend away in Blackpool a few weeks ago, which left a lot to be desired but we did see the starling murmuration at the North Pier. Something neither of us will ever forget.

Also, let me never forget the immense kindness shown to me by my amazing sister-in-law, Sandra, and her lads, Stephen and Paul. They gifted me the very computer I’m writing this on. It’s a marvellous machine in so many ways but not only did they give it to me but they delivered it themselves and then went all the way to Bradford to get replacement cables for the ones that were missing.

There is no way on this Earth that I could ever afford to buy such a computer as that so to be given it in an act of totally unselfish kindness pretty much blew me away. But then, that’s Sandra and her family for you. They’d give you the milk out of their tea if you needed it. I do feel blessed to be part of that wider family and to have them as in-laws. Plus, take into account that Sandra herself has had two awful bereavements and battled cancer herself in the last 3 years and you begin to understand just what an amazing woman she is.

The big issue of the year, of course, was my Mum’s passing. It affected us all terribly and even now I am struggling with it. She was 92 and it shouldn’t have happened. One insensitive and selfish little sod we know brushed her death off with a shoulder shrug and an, “Ah well!” when we told him how old she was, as if, at 92, she had no reason to be living anyway. I haven’t spoken to him since and I don’t feel inclined to do so at any point in either the near or distant future.

You see, they were on the verge of sending Mum home from hospital after she’d had an operation for a fall but then along came some sleazy little chest infection on Christmas Day and within a week she was gone. That’s not fair and it certainly isn’t a reason for a flippant, “Ah well!” I struggle when people say things to me like, “She had a good innings.” It’s the death of my Mum, not a bloody cricket match.

Mum’s passing has rather overshadowed the whole year but I have tried to be as productive as possible, despite all the health issues. I have written the first draft of my next novel, which, as enjoyable as it was, also proved to be a longer slog than I’d anticipated. The front cover, as I have mentioned before, is fantastic though.

Then of course there’s Substack. I’ve tried to post at least twice weekly and although that hasn’t always been the case I have produced some extremely well-written and funny content that I hope you all enjoyed. The only real issue I have with Substack is that by the time I’ve written two to three posts a week I have little or no energy left for this here Blessham Hall Blog, which has seen something of a decline in frequency. I’m determined to improve on that next year.

My weight has been ridiculous and has yo-yoed like a… …yo-yo. At one point I had lost over a stone and then I came damn close to putting it all back on again. Now I’m around the half stone total loss for the year, so some progress. I did follow the NHS Weight Loss app for a while but didn’t find it particularly user friendly.

I also attended a 12-week course entitled Healthy You, which was run by North Yorkshire Council and was free to join. I learned a lot about nutrition and better eating but when it came to the 25-minute aerobic exercise part of it I had no choice but to go and sit in the café and sip a consolation latte while the ladies went through their paces. I was the only man on the course and I let the side down. I just couldn’t do it; my body simply wouldn’t allow me to.

At the end of the day though, the rest of my family is generally happy and healthy and we see Becky and Erin as often as we can. Erin is doing remarkably well in a tattooist apprenticeship; she’ll go far will that girl. And Becky opened her own coffee shop on the boat over the Summer which rapidly attracted regular customers and did very well. She certainly has an entrepreneurial spirit.

So is it Good Year or Good Riddance for 2025? Hard to say really. I think it’s a 50/50 split. Losing my Mum has been a huge challenge to deal with but I’m surrounded by great family and friends who have all helped me in some way. My wife, who I simply could not live without, has been a tower of strength through it all and my appreciation of her has increased many-fold.

Bring on 2026 then, and we’ll all face it together. The rest of the world is going to hell in a hand basket all around us as man’s inhumanity towards its fellow man continues to spiral out of control. We need to focus on one another and those we love the most. And don’t forget, it’ll soon be Spring again and things won’t seem quite so grim when the sun shines and the daffodils are in bloom.

See you all on the other side of midnight xxx

Last Roll of the Dice

It grieves me to have to write something so depressing at this time of year when the rest of the world is pissing it up and celebrating an imaginary old guy with a white beard and natty red suit when they should be remembering the birth of Christ. But Hey Ho, that’s the way humanity rolls these days.

I’ll cut quickly to the chase.

My 8^th novel is completed, well, first draft anyway. The problem is that I am tired and in pain and feeling utterly dejected as a writer. I made the classic mistake, when I first self-published of thinking that my work would sell in great numbers; how foolish and naïve I was.

Let me tell you the God’s honest truth – If anyone ever tells you it’s easy being a writer or an author they are clearly lying and they themselves are neither of those things. It’s a bloody hard slog to write a 90,000+ word book, a harder one to edit and perfect it and an even harder one still to try and sell the damn thing. And I just don’t have the wherewithal to carry on banging my head against the wall for no return.

So, here’s the deal.

Over the next couple of months, I’m going to finish editing and preparing that 8^th one for publication. It’s a cracking story and the cover, as I’ve mentioned before, is unfeasibly fantastic. I’ll then do my best to promote it for six months and if I still find myself in the situation where I am now, vis-à-vis not selling any books, then I’m knocking it all on the head. I can’t kid myself any longer and I don’t have the physical capability to do so either.

This book is the last roll of the dice.

Sorry to be such a killjoy at Christmas but I’m on my last legs here.

I Want to Shout it from the Rooftops!!!

Just a quick blog post today. I had a minor hospital procedure yesterday and I still feel a bit sluggish from the sedative (Fentanyl) so please forgive the shortness of this post.

But here we go!

I’ve never hidden the fact that my granddaughter, Erin, is utterly fabulous. You may think it’s an obvious thing for a grandad to say and you’d be right of course. But today she has once again showed her fabulousness, and how.

You may recall me saying that I’d asked Erin to create the cover art for the next novel as she is the most accomplished teenage artist you ever came across. Well, today she presented me with the artwork and I am completely bowled over by it.

I knew she’d do a great job but it’s even better than I could have ever hoped for. It is without doubt the best cover of one of my books yet. I’m not just blowing smoke when I say that; I believe it from my heart.

I feel as if I want to show it to everyone and shout from the rooftops (as the title of this post suggests) about how brilliant it is and honestly, you’d be the same. But to reveal it now would spoil the surprise. I haven’t quite finished the first draft yet and I don’t like giving too much away too soon.

But take it from me it is utterly wonderful and you’re going to love it. It’s a bit of a departure from the usual Blessham covers and I’m giving serious thought to asking Erin if she will help me redesign them all, with the exception of The Pheasants Revolt, which Erin’s mum created and which I love. But the others could certainly do with looking at from a fresh perspective and I don’t think there is anyone else but Erin who I would give the task to.

Erin gets me you see. We have always had such a laugh together and I consider her to be not only my granddaughter but also one of my very best friends. I always knew she had talent as she was always doodling away at an early age. One of my proudest possessions is a scribbly but lovingly done drawing in biro on a sheet of pink paper that she presented to me on my birthday when she was only five years old. Yes, I still have it and would never part with it.

Since those early forays into drawing she has progressed into a gifted illustrator and is now employed as a tattoo artist. That’s a job that takes a lot of skill and even more bottle to do. I’ve said before that I’d never have a tattoo but that if I ever change my mind then Erin gets the job without a qualm.

I gave Erin only the briefest outline of what I wanted for this book cover and she has produced something that any self-respecting author would be proud to have on the front of one of their tomes.

Damn it I wish I could show you it. But the time just isn’t right yet.

The Ingleby Problem

I’ve been scratching my head for some time now as to what to do about Ingleby, the fictitious town where 3 of my novels are based. Those novels, of course, being:

The Ghost of Lenton Wattingham

Mutch Wants Moor

Vole

If you haven’t read them yet then I would urge you to do so at the earliest possible convenience. They’re all full of dark humour and are thumping good reads that take an introspective look at the seedier side of life.

So why have I been scratching my head?

In short, I think the Ingleby novels have run out of steam. Or is it me that’s run out of steam for the Ingleby novels? May I beg a few moments of your time whilst I elaborate? Thank you.

When I independently published my first novel – Ah Boy! – in 2019 I had already got the plan for a full series of books starring the central character, Joe Wilkie. But at the time, I didn’t want to pigeonhole myself and just write in one particular style and felt it best to branch out into other literary worlds. That’s when the idea for Ingleby came about.

I saw my writing career going as thus – A Blessham/Joe Wilkie novel followed by an Ingleby novel and repeat the cycle.

The thing is, as time has progressed and with my development as a writer, I’m just not “feeling” the Ingleby thing anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as proud as a peacock with those three books and many people have told me how they think Mutch Wants Moor is the best book I’ve written to date and I’m somewhat inclined to agree.

However, I had begun work on another Ingleby novel over two years ago. It was the follow up to Mutch Wants Moor featuring the adorable Archie and Aggie Stone and their canal boat Orca. I had actually got 15 chapters into it and for some reason, which I can’t fully explain, I just stalled. Came to an abrupt halt. I didn’t know where to go with it. I’d driven it down a literary cul-de-sac and couldn’t turn around.

Here’s what I think happened.

Over the last 6 years of being an independent author, I’ve come to realise that Joe Wilkie and the village of Blessham is where I’m happiest writing about. I think Joe has really developed into such a well-rounded character and those stories are so much fun to write. To be honest with you, I wasn’t having very much fun with that abandoned Ingleby novel.

I’m firmly entrenched in that particular camp that says if you don’t enjoy writing then you shouldn’t really be doing it in the first place. And I wasn’t enjoying writing that one. It just didn’t have the same flair, pace and joie de vivre that its predecessor had and I was finding it hard to recapture all that.

Henceforth, I shelved it and turned my focus back onto Blessham. Note the word “shelved” in that sentence; I’m a firm believer in the phrase “Never say never.” It may come to fruition at some point in the future. But for now, it remains unfinished.

I’m now a mere 4 chapters from finishing the first draft of the new Blessham novel and I am having a mountain of fun in doing so. I swear I haven’t enjoyed writing this much since The Pheasants Revolt, back in 2020/21. My imagination is running more riotous than a large group of poll tax protesters and ideas are just tumbling out of me like last nights kebab. I’m having a blast.

Also, and I’m sorry if this sounds like bragging, but I’ve been gifted a new computer by my amazing and generous in-laws the Morgan Family. It’s an absolute beast of a machine which was formerly used for gaming so you can probably guess how powerful and fast it is. I love my old laptop and it served me well for 11 years but it’s starting to show it’s age a little (like all of us) and running rather slow and I think it’s time to retire the old girl.

This new machine though is so fast and efficient that I can write around 1300 words an hour or more. Something I couldn’t do on Propane Elaine (my laptop’s name, don’t ask).

So, here’s where I’m now at. The Ingleby novels will henceforth become the Ingleby Trilogy until such times as I return to them in the dim and distant future. I’m going to focus the bulk of my attention on getting some more Wilkie books written so that there is a lengthy series for readers to immerse themselves in and I desperately need to be so much more proactive and creative with the marketing of my books as well. I don’t invest anywhere near enough time in doing that.

And I think my books are well worth promoting.

I also have a couple of other irons in the fire, one of which is an anthology of my non-novel scribblings from this blog and Substack etc and there’s a new character I’ve been playing about with in my head which I’m slowly developing for when I eventually do need to take a break from Blessham, which is bound to happen at some point.

So sincere apologies if you prefer my Ingleby books. Like I said, I most likely will return to that townful of reprobates at some point in the future, but for my own career’s sake I need to focus on Mr Wilkie and Co for now.