Oh but I’m a greedy little so and so. It seems I always want the lion’s share. Well, when it comes to being poorly that is. Not content with having fibromyalgia, depressive anxiety disorder and sleep apnoea my body has decided that it wants more and this week it’s request was granted when I was diagnosed with vertigo!

Yes vertigo.

As the song goes – I’m so dizzy my head is spinning.

I’ve been having some serious headaches and dizziness for some time now but I put it all down to the phenomenal heat we’ve had this last month and the idea that maybe I’m a bit dehydrated. That notion turned out to be complete and utter balderdash as this last Sunday I blacked out and Ange found me on the bedroom floor.

A trip to A&E (is it still called that?) resulted in the doctor there suggesting it was vertigo and a visit to my own GP confirmed it. I’ve been feeling rather shit all week to be honest and nothing has been achieved other than recording the second episode of The Curmudgeon, which required a monumental effort on my part to read the script without throwing up. No work on the novel though, which is starting to drag its heels a bit now.

The actual diagnosis is something called BPPV which stands for Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo, which is a bit of a mouthful; isn’t it? The medication is also a mouthful, called Prochlorperazine, although, I think it is helping, albeit early days still.

My head feels like it’s full of unprocessed timber and I find it hard to concentrate on anything much for very long. In fact, you won’t believe how long it’s taking me to type this. Absolutely ages.

This is all, of course, a bit of a bugger.

And I’m as frustrated as a compulsive masturbator in a straight-jacket.

I really want to crack on with so many things you see, not just the novel but half a dozen other little ideas I have. And being a one-man-band means that everything is now on the back boiler and I’m feeling about as much use as a fishnet condom in a harem.

The amount of time I have wasted this week just lying down with my eyes closed in an attempt to stop the whole world spinning would have been enough time to write about twenty thousand words alone. That’s time I’ll never get back and it boils my piss to even think about it. I’m so bloody annoyed that I feel I could fight a Pitbull. Only, that would end very, very badly for me so I won’t try it.

So that’s what’s happening right now. Hopefully the meds will soon start to work and, as a result, so will I.

I’ll have to stop now as I need to lie down again.

Sorry to keep badgering you all with my various ailments but I did promise the other week to try and look on the humorous side of things and I hope this post has made you chuckle, or maybe even just smile. It will have made my day if it has.