Guess who’s got heat stroke. Go on, I’ll give you three guesses. Aah, you got it in one, yes, it’s me. Old ghostly skin has had too much of the UV rays again and looks decidedly baked and lobster-ish.

At least we didn’t get lost on our way to the Lake District, which, if you recall, I was a bit worried about last time. Thanks to the loan of a friends OS Explorer map of the Northern Lakes we were able to navigate our way there without a hiccup and arrived at the house late afternoon.

I then proceeded to get a little bit plastered on the Californian vin rouge. But that was ok, I was sat in the shade and as the Sun set gorgeously over the majestic mountains and bathed the valley with an almost heavenly glow I felt quite a sense of tipsy serenity.

It was the next day when I exposed myself to the glare and the heat like the berk I am.

It was a blazing, terrifically hot day on Saturday, as most of you will know, and my plan was to enjoy the sunshine in short bursts. Ten or fifteen minutes at a time and then go back in for half an hour or more before venturing out again and repeating the process. And that’s pretty much what I did. I figured I’d be alright in a vest top and even had my Amazonas Tarp Hat on all day to protect my lumpen and misshapen noggin.

Oh what a fool I was. By six o’clock my arms were the colour of Lollo Rossa and my bonce was as light and fuzzy as candy floss, only not so sweet.

Thankfully, Becky had remembered to pack after sun (we hadn’t) and I liberally applied it to the affected areas. I also drank 3 bottles of that Swedish mixed fruit flavoured cider that you see everywhere but whose name I can’t remember. Kottonballs or something like that. Wouldn’t normally touch the stuff with a barge pole but I was so thirsty and it was delightfully chilled having spent 24 hours in the fridge.

Anyway, I lasted the evening until gone midnight when I turned in and left the die-hards to it. I slept extremely soundly and woke at ten the next morning. My arms were still crimson and my head felt sluggish and dopey and I had difficulty concentrating on anything.

We set off for home at quarter past two and arrived back in Settle at four. And I haven’t felt right since. My days are spent drifting in and out of consciousness and lambasting myself for my own gross stupidity.

You’ld think someone of my age would know better, wouldn’t you?

But despite the heat stroke I still had an important thing to do. Namely, the new podcast.

And in case you’re wondering, it is now live and available to listen to here – Podbean and here – Spotify.

The trouble I have is that the launch was something of a miserable, damp squib and I don’t think many people know it’s out there yet. You see, apart from a post on this here blog and a few social media references to it, I haven’t done a lot of promo work at all. This is for three reasons:

1. I’ve got the aforementioned heat stroke.

2. The recent hot weather has badly affected my fibromyalgia and the laptop hasn’t seen much action lately.

3. I am absolutely rubbish at marketing. No, honestly, I really am.

So I’ll give it another plug now, if you’ll permit me. It’s called The Curmudgeon and it’s basically me having a grouse at stupidity in whatever shape or form it takes. In the first episode I take a swipe at the idiots who don’t understand invisible illnesses, which I thought was a good place to start seeing as how I’ve got two of them – Depressive Anxiety Disorder and Fibromyalgia, and I get so fed up to the point of exasperation at some people’s attitude towards them.

I think it’s funny and entertaining; the podcast I mean, not invisible illnesses, and it’s not overly long in the way that the old Blessham Hall podcast had become, weighing in at just over 14 minutes. And, to make life easier for myself and the listener, it’s going out fortnightly on Wednesdays which will give me more time to prepare and work on the new novel.

So, that has been my week so far. I did manage to do an online shop from Asda today before succumbing to fatigue once more and sleeping through the afternoon. It was Ange’s idea and a pretty good one if you ask me. It’s far too hot to go traipsing off in the car and shuffle around a supermarket whilst wreathed in sweat and smelling like last night’s donner kebab. Let someone else do the lifting, that’s what I say.

It did really hit home though just how bad this whole cost of living crisis is. Seven days worth of shopping for two people came to over £95 and that’s without any alcohol or luxury items. And Ange and I do not live ostentatiously by any stretch of the imagination. Our usual Aldi bill comes to much, much less than that. There’s only the two of us for goodness sake.

I was flabbergasted gentle reader, quite flabbergasted. I began to think I’d made a mistake with the order but on checking through it I found that no, all was as it should be. Just very expensive.

Still, it’s arriving tomorrow between 6pm and 8pm so I’ve got until then to brace myself for putting it all away in our stifling hot kitchen.

Maybe next time we’ll save a few quid by braving the heat and head off to Skipton Aldi armed with copious bottles of water, a decorative hand held fan and a full can of Right Guard. Either that or pray for rain.

Please don’t think I’m complaining about all the lovely weather we’ve been having. I mean, I like to see the sunshine and blue skies, it makes me feel happy. It’s just that I’m a bit of a lightweight when it comes to the searing heat. Mind you, I think I’ve learned my lesson this time.

I can feel my head starting to go rather woozy again now so I’ll sign off and go flop onto the unquilted bed with the electric tower fan blowing directly in my face at full bore. The forecast is for more of the same tomorrow. Oh blimey!!!

The moral of the story, I tell myself, is: keep out of the direct sunlight, promote your podcast properly and learn how to market better and for goodness sake shop wisely. That’s what I’m telling myself at any rate.

See you soon when I hope to be a little more compos mentis and a whole lot cooler.

PS: Here’s the web image for The Curmudgeon. I think it’s a good likeness.