Ok, this isn’t going to be easy at all. I’m literally shaking all over gentle reader and my fingers are missing more keys than they’re hitting as I type. Oooh, I do feel odd.

Got a virus you see. Can’t think why; maybe my body isn’t satisfied with just fibromyalgia, Depressive Anxiety Disorder and sleep apnoea and wants something else to play with as well. Spoilt brat that it is.

Right now, apart from every muscle in my body screaming blue-bloody-murder at me, I’ve got a chest full of what feels like slow-moving treacle, my breathing is powerfully difficult to the point of being almost non-existent, my nose is running like Usain Bolt in his prime and my head has somehow been filled with hot Tarmac. Added to which there appears to be some gross and terrifying ape-like creature behind my eyes who is determinedly intent on pushing them out of their sockets with his gnarled and misshapen thumbs. In short, I’m a trembling, dishevelled wreck of a man who is longing for succour in what ever shape or form it may take.

Sleep is no longer a pleasure as my nights are filled with constant waking, coughing and battling for every breath. When the Sun finally rises above the horizon I feel about as refreshed as a man who has been eating dry-roasted chili peanuts all night but forgot to take a cold drink with him.

I always look forward to that first, aromatic cup of rooibos in the morning but not at the moment, as every swallow I take feels like I’m ingesting a large handful of carpet tacks which sear and rake at my parched throat with brutal intensity and make me curse the very name of the beverage I’m attempting to drink.

My days are spent shuffling around the flat from bed to chair to couch and back again. I derive no pleasure from music or literature, both great loves of my life, and I can’t even bring myself to focus on the television as the colours hurt my eyes and it requires far too much concentration.

On the plus side though, I’ve done a test and it isn’t Covid-19. I was relieved about that because I really was starting to wonder. Also, compared to the last virus I had, I’m able this time to break wind with surety which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is always a boon. So there are some positives to be had from all this.

I do hope this doesn’t come across as moaning though. I’m really not moaning. I mean, these things happen, don’t they? You can’t go a full 24 hour day any more without somebody saying something like, ‘there’s a bug going around’ or ‘there’s a lot of it about at the moment’ or some other sagely faux wisdom yet again regurgitated to try and make us feel better. No, I’ve just got to ride the damn thing out.

Pointless seeking medical help either. I’ll be told to stay in bed and take plenty of fluids and that’s not really revelatory advice, is it? If I drink any more water than I already am then I fear the lavatory ballcock may break from over use.

Anyway, I’ve been awake since half past five this morning and it’s now nearly nine o’clock. Wow, been out of bed a princely three and a half hours, a new record! Time to get back under the quilt I think. I’m exhausted now from typing and screen glare.

Hopefully, I’ll be back to normal very soon and just have my regular set of ailments to contend with. See you all on the other side for fun and giggles again in the very near future.