So, a couple of things have happened in the last 48 hours to make me ask questions of myself and what I truly believe. You know, not meaningless likes or dislikes, all that airy-fairy I don’t like semolina but I like rice pudding kind of thing. No, I mean real truths that I hold dear and which form the basis of who I really am and what makes me Alan Stevenson.

So basically, here’s my credo. But before you read it, please take time to consider point number 5 before losing your rag as it may help you when forming or reforming an opinion of me.

Ok, here we go.

1. Bigotry and racism is a massive no-no with me. As is a negative stance on immigration. Immigrants saved my life when I was at death’s door in 2003. If it hadn’t been for a Chinese doctor and an Indian nurse then I wouldn’t be typing these words right now as I’d be deceased.

2. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a right to believe in which ever faith or religion they choose to follow without slander, abuse or piss-take. My own beliefs are Christian but if you follow any other faith I may not agree with you but I’ll stoically defend your rights and decisions to have that belief; as all men should.

3. Tik Tok is wrong on every level. It’s just wrong. Morally wrong.

4. Number three was just put there to lighten the mood a little bit, although it is true.

5. You may have opinions that differ with mine or you may not appreciate my opinions. You may even get offended by what I say, write or do. And that’s ok, although I do think we all get offended too easily these days. It’s become almost fashionable. My point is, if we do differ on opinions or get offended with one another then I like to think we can be adults and discuss our differences without the need for social media unfriending or having long-standing tantrums with each other. Let’s all be grown ups, shall we? Like we used to be. Also, if you should ask me for my opinion on any matter please be respectful of the fact that I might not want to give it to you.

6. Women, or men for that matter, are not to be sexually objectified and the voyeurism that we now have to contend with on our TVs, computer screens and phones has reached such levels of depravity that would make Mary Whitehouse soil herself and reach for the Valium. I’m looking at you again Tik Tok.

7. Contrary to popular belief, science does not have all the answers. In fact, it has very few.

8. FOR FUCK’S SAKE STOP USING SINGLE USE PLASTICS!!!

9. I’m an omnivore. Always have been, always will be. If you choose to pursue a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle I shall certainly respect that decision. All I ask is please extend to me the same courtesy. My human teeth are designed to eat both plants and animals and my digestive system can cope quite easily with meat. Now, whether you believe in Creationism or Darwinism that is a plain, unavoidable fact. Incidently, I don’t eat meat with every meal, so there.

10. Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. That one’s easy innit?

11. Your sexual preferences are yours and yours alone. Personally speaking I’m hetero but I won’t lambaste or belittle gay people and neither should you. I have gay friends.

12. I have a sense of humour that is rooted in the 1970’s and 80’s. That’s when I grew up. I’m able to laugh at myself and I’m ok with people laughing at me. The world needs to be able to do more of that.

13. Bullying at any age is reprehensibly vile and should not be tolerated in a civilised society.

13a. I know what I consider to be bullying and what is not.

14. Look after the elderly. Hopefully you’ll make it to that age one day and if you do don’t despise it. It’s a gift that’s not given to everyone.

15. If you’re unhappy with the current government yet you voted for them, stop belly-aching on social media and lobby your MP. Also, next time, use your loaf in the polling station.

16. Jimmy Carr is not funny. Never has been, never will be.

17. On the other hand, I really like Tim Vine. He’s delightfully silly.

18. Travel may broaden the mind but literature enriches it.

19. If I see you throwing litter on the floor I will ask you to pick it up again.

20. Lists are great!

So there you go. Please feel free to unfriend me, unfollow me, loathe, detest or verbally disembowel me if you feel so inclined. After the last 48 hours I no longer care. I am who I am. I am Alan and I like Alan. Don’t try to change me baby.